There are plenty of ways to get what you want in a negotiation — kicking and screaming, threats, and bribery among them.
But perhaps the most effective strategy is one that's pretty counter intuitive: Focus on what the other person wants instead.
Showing your negotiation partner you can see things from their perspective ends up making it easier to influence them.
It's a strategy he calls "tactical empathy," and it works
just as well in negotiations between cops and criminals and arguments
between friends.
One way to exhibit tactical empathy is by labeling the
other person's emotions. You can say, "It seems like…" or, "It sounds
like…" and explain how you think the other person is feeling.
A student of his was fundraising for the Girl Scouts when she encountered a potential
donor who was particularly stubborn. That potential donor said she refused to contribute
because she wanted her gift to directly support programming for Girl
Scouts — and nothing else. The student responded: "It seems that you are really
passionate about this gift and want to find the right project reflecting
the opportunities and life-changing experiences the Girl Scouts gave
you." The woman signed a check, saying she knew the fundraiser understood her and would find the right project. By labeling the woman's passion and identifying her
specific concerns, the student effectively disarmed the woman and won
her support.
"People love to be listened to."
So resist the impulse to tell a story of your own when
someone shares an insight with you, and instead take time to reflect on
what they just said. In a negotiation, that behavior could make your
opponent more amenable to giving you what you need.